Durham church holds service for babies buried in unmarked graves (2024)

A woman whose mother gave birth to a stillborn child said she would have been moved to see a memorial unveiled at her church to babies who were buried in unmarked graves.

Before the mid-1980s stillborn babies or babies who died shortly after birth were taken away from families, who were then not involved in their burial.

St Cuthbert's in Durham has been raising money to remember them and is holding a dedication service on Sunday for the new space in the graveyard.

Judith Gaughy, 78, is a member of the congregation, and her sister Margaret was placed in an unmarked grave after she died in 1948. She eventually found the site, at a cemetery in Newcastle.

"I always knew about Margaret, who was born in a nursing home in Newcastle, but we never really talked about it," she said.

"But after Mum died, Dad told me she always got upset in September at the anniversary of her birth.

"I asked Dad if they'd seen the baby but he said no they just took her away."

According to the charity Sands it was only in the mid-1980s that parents of stillborn babies and babies who died shortly after birth began to be consulted about funeral arrangements for their babies.

Before then, parents were not usually involved and many were not told what happened to their baby’s body, which was usually placed in an unmarked grave.

Mrs Gaughy's mother never knew where her daughter was buried but she did not forget her.

"She worshipped at St Cuthbert's in Durham and in 1985 the church made a little garden and plaque to babies in unmarked graves, and she was very involved in that," her daughter explained.

"So after my father died I wrote to Southport (where General Register Office is based) to try and find out what happened to Margaret and I got the birth certificate.

"I rang the bereavement service at Newcastle and they were wonderful and they knew where she was."

She had been buried on 6 October 1948 in an unmarked grave at Saint Nicholas's Cemetery in Newcastle with two adults and two other children.

"I went and put flowers on the spot and I got quite upset at the time because I just thought she should be with my parents in St Cuthbert's," Mrs Gaughy said.

Although there has been a plaque for babies in St Cuthbert's since 1985, three years ago the church on North Road, began raising funds for a bigger place of remembrance.

"It all began because a number of women contacted us to explain that they had babies buried in the churchyard and asked us if we knew where they were," the Reverend Canon Caroline Dick explained.

It is estimated there are dozens of babies buried in its graveyard, but no records were kept of where or when.

"Sadly we couldn't help, we've combed the records but there's nothing," Ms Dick said.

"So we wanted to provide a place where they could come and remember the baby that had died," she added.

The memorial was designed by London-based artist Lara Sparey.

She said: "Twenty two years ago my son, Shay, died four days after he was born, and until recently I just wouldn't have been able to do this project but somehow I felt the time was right.

"It was a competition so I had to put a design forward but I think the fact I'd had a loss myself was very important to the church."

"The design includes a dove, snowdrops and sun rays so there's a bit of hope there, and I just want it to be a place where people can sit and remember that child," she added.

Mrs Gaughy will be doing just that.

"I often wonder what it would have been like to have had a sister," she said.

"It was incredible to think what they did back then, there must be so many women like my Mum who never saw their babies and never knew where they were."

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